In the book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman, he refers to the “marital poop detector”.(pg. 280) He mentions that “couples…who adjusted to elevated levels of negativity (irritability, emotional distance) in their marriage ended up less happy or satisfied years later. Those who refused to put up with lots of negativity—who insisted on gently confronting each other when, say, contempt or defensiveness threatened to become pervasive, wound up happy and satisfied years later.” If something doesn’t smell right in your marriage, it’s time to pay attention and work harder towards improvement.
I love this concept and consider it practical and sound advice. Thankfully, I am married to a man who sees the world half full, while I am more a “half-empty” kind of person. This opposite spectrum in our perceptions often poses a challenge in our marriage. The benefit, however, is that when I am in need of being filled, I can just lean on him and he can fill up my cup! I recognize this gets exhausting for him, however, because he is often filling the cups of people who have similar perceptions to mine. Now that I recognize that about myself and him though, I am better able to focus on positive things because I have learned from him.
Always finding the bad in things around you can weigh heavily on your emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. Being focused on higher, better things allows us to aspire for more and often overlook the every day grind we can find ourselves. That is life. Not every day is going to smell like roses! But, we can have hope in a better tomorrow if we are willing to have humility and patience in our circumstances, charity and forgiveness towards our spouse and ourselves for shortcomings.
Being able to effectively communicate when things are not going right in a marriage is a vital skill to its success. Recognizing the destructive emotions or actions of each other is necessary to avoiding the pitfalls of negativity that only spirals downward. Having an open mind, a willingness to listen and understand, and a repentant heart allows a marriage to thrive when follies arise. If both parties are committed to the success of the marriage, through a personal covenant with each other and God, when poop in a marriage is discovered, it can be flushed away!
Marriage Matters 