Beware of Pride

Ezra Taft Benson said, “When pride has a hold on our hearts, we lose our independence of the world and deliver our freedoms to the bondage of men’s judgment. The world shouts louder than the whisperings of the Holy Ghost. The reasoning of men overrides the revelations of God, and the proud let go of the iron rod.” It is in the circumstance that we yield to our own heart’s desires and ignore the needs of those around us. In a marriage and family setting, pride is a destroyer.

Pride comes in many forms:

• Faultfinding – seeing the flaws in others and an unwillingness to have patience for someone else’s growth
• Gossiping – speaking ill of others to get gain or leverage for one’s self
• Murmuring – complaining about others, a focus on negativity and lack of gratitude and humility
• Living beyond our means – this causes us to attempt to live a lifestyle that is false, trying to keep up with others around us, therefore not willing to accept the reality of where we are currently
• Envying, coveting, and jealousy – desiring to have something someone possesses to the point of obsession with it, with a lack of gratitude for present talents/skills/possessions
• Withholding gratitude or encouragement – refusing to be happy for the successes of others
• Unforgiving – holding grudges because you feel the other party is undeserving of forgiveness
• Disobedience to authority – too proud to comply to the authority of an elder or person with higher authority than you have
• Selfishness – an attitude of self-conceit, self-pity, worldly self-fulfillment, self-gratification, and self-seeking
• Contention – the attitude of the adversary in having harsh feelings towards others and openly sharing them
• Unrighteous dominion – exercising power and dominance over others

He also said, “Some prideful people are not so concerned as to whether their wages meet their needs as they are that their wages are more than someone else’s. Their reward is being a cut above the rest. This is the enmity of pride.” There is so much truth to this statement and is unfortunate when this becomes the center of a marriage. In this case, one seeks to be right always and seeks to be dominant over their spouse. Many people think pride is in those who are at the top (those who are rich and educated), and yet pride is often found at the bottom, looking up.

We often see or can point out the pride in others but often fail to admit it within ourselves. This is also very commonplace in marriage, when one party refuses to change or accept accountability for actions that are destructive to the relationship. Being unwilling to see potential error in one’s ways, or feeling superior to the other spouse, threatens the respect and trust in a marriage.

I have seen many good marriages dissolve merely because of pride. I have seen one spouse refuse to be transparent in their actions, refusing to have to “answer to their spouse” regarding their daily activities. This fosters mistrust and pride. Another marriage crumbled when one spouse was very dominant and evidently “wore the pants” in the relationship. This made the lesser party feel de-valued and less important, and completely insignificant in their family relationships.

At the root of all pride is selfishness. When a person is entirely centered on their own needs and desires and only considers how things will affect them, they can destroy all relationships around them. Benson warned against “self-conceit, self-pity, worldly self-fulfillment, self-gratification, and self-seeking.” These are all examples of selfishness. It would be well of us to take inventory in our own lives and ask ourselves if we are guilty of any of the above listed forms of pride. If we are, we can straightway repent and strive to be better. And if not, we can keep this list readily available so to beware of pride.