Staying connected with your spouse after many years of marriage can prove to be challenging but is very possible. Once married and off to live happily ever after, the children come and life’s challenges present themselves, and quickly you find yourself trying to juggle various demands for your time and attention. Unfortunately, your spouse becomes one of these balls you must juggle, which is the most important ball not to drop.
To keep the candle burning in a marriage, one must always be looking for the little things that can be done to turn towards their spouse. These small and seemingly insignificant things can have a large impact on a marriage. Things such as knowing your spouse well enough to know when they aren’t having the best of days. Sending a small text that says, “I love you” can really be encouraging when the circumstances of their day may be less than ideal. There are so many small things we can do, if we are aware of our spouse and their needs and turning towards them.
Knowing how your spouse likes certain things, I call them their own personal “OCD’s” and trying to satisfy some of those things rather than trying to change those things, is another way to turn towards them. My husband is very particular about how he likes to put his toothpaste on his toothbrush and how he squeezes the tube. The whole process he is very particular at. I didn’t discover this until years into our marriage when he finally asked me one night why I get my toothbrush wet, then put on the toothpaste, then get it wet again. I thought this was such a silly question, but to him it really mattered. I decided to do it his way from that point forward, once I knew it truly bothered. But he would take it a step further. Several months ago, he started putting toothpaste on my toothbrush for me every night and leaving it by the sink. At first I thought this was just a sweet little gesture of service, but then realized after talking to one of my children, that it was his way of making sure I didn’t get the toothpaste tube wet from my brush when I accidentally slipped into my old habits and forgot. Does it really matter why he was being so kind to apply the toothpaste ahead of time for me to brush my teeth each night? I thought it was a random act of kindness, which it was, and it also had purpose. Regardless, he was turning towards me instead of away from me in that simple conflict we had in our marriage.
Every night when I go to the bathroom to start my bed-time routine and see the toothbrush sitting there already with paste, I just smile now. It is a symbol of his love for me. Every night, regardless of what has happened through out the day, I see that toothbrush and am reminded of his willingness to take the time to serve me in such a simple way. After over twenty years of marriage, I have learned that it’s not the big events in our marriage that bind us together, but rather, it’s the little things that mean so much.
Marriage Matters 