When you hear the word sacrifice, what comes to mind? From a young age, I was taught that sacrifice is giving up something good for something better. Sacrifice can be found in every facet of life and we often ask ourselves what we are willing to give up to have something better: what are we willing to give up to look thinner, to have a bigger, nicer home, to have a better job, to have children, etc? The list goes on and on. But, in a marriage, what are you willing to sacrifice to have the best marriage you can have?
Considering sacrifice in marriage takes much pondering, humility, and even charity to determine what you need to change to make your marriage the best it can be. In order to become one, each party must be willing to give up and compromise some of their own self-interests for the betterment of the unit. There is no one person that is an exact match and perfect fit for each of us. Having a close, strong marriage requires giving, sacrifice, and compromise on every level.
I have been reading the book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage (Eternal Doctrines that Change Relationships) by H. Wallace Goddard, PhD? In it Goddard talks about how a person is like half of a manufactured home and putting two people together in marriage is like putting two pieces of a manufactured home together. Neither home has been built by the same carpenter, manufactured in the exact same way, has the same plumbing and walls that will match up exactly. However, with God’s help, as we allow him to be the carpenter and remodel our inner walls and parts, he can help both halves fit together in a masterful way. This analogy had such a profound picture in my mind of recognizing the work that is needed to become a perfect union as husband and wife!
Becoming a perfect union requires sacrifice and submission to one another. These are often the two hardest things for someone to do, because it does require some “remodeling” that a person may be resistant to. Sometimes we are unwilling to change things about us that don’t fit well in a home together. But, as we do, there is great power in being willing to have charity towards others, with a willingness to sacrifice for another. This is like what our Savior, Jesus Christ, has done for us. I loved this quote: “In godly submission, as in all things, Jesus is preeminent. He did not allow Himself to be mocked and crucified because He was weak and frightened. It was a triumph of His goodness that He did not use His immense power to destroy those who persecuted Him. He chose to let goodness govern His power. The Person with the greatest power chose to be the most submissive. There is a lesson there for those who worry about power in the world.
As we imperfect humans develop courage and strength, we don’t have to use them to prove ourselves smart or powerful. The better we get, the more we will use our strength to bless. We are ‘willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [us], even as a child doth submit to his father’ (Mosiah 3:19)”.
What a beautiful expression of the power of submission with trust and love. I just love the results of remodeling! Though the construction phase is dirty and dusty, things get moved out of their place, rearranged, and torn up. In the end, what remains is far greater and better than what was there in the first place. In our marriages, if we allow ourselves to focus on our spouse and his/her needs over our own, we will find we can become a better person than we started, and our marriage will be enhanced in our efforts.
I loved this quote from the book: “We covenant to bring all to the altar. The Lord cannot bless what we will not bring. He asks that we bring our whole souls to Him so that He can transform us. If we are willing to let Him be the carpenter, He can blend the two half-houses together.” I love this idea of being reminded that as marriage partners, we covenant to one another to give all to each other, and with the Lord’s help, He can make us both more than what we are.
Marriage Matters 